the dots method
simple and effective
Deny opps their satisfaction. That’s it, that’s the method. Real or imaginary opposition is fine, whatever works best for you. Centering this mindset might work without further guidance, but the addition of a few intentional behaviors improves your effectiveness at denying opps their satisfaction, and thereby boosts your own flourishing in life.
How does the DOTS method work? When you are about to do something that does not serve you, say out loud, “This is what the opps want.” And then… do whatever you want! If, after saying the phrase, you still do the harmful thing, that’s okay. The point is to have a practice of saying the phrase before you do the thing, training your awareness of the self-imposed actions that impede your prosperity. If you neglect to say the phrase, perhaps because of a habitual or unconscious pattern in your life that doesn’t serve you, whenever you realize what you’ve done, say out loud, “I [past tense action], which is what the opps wanted.”
The DOTS method is also more effective when you take a few moments to visualize the opps. At the critical moment preceding the action, picture them giddy with wide smiles, eyes bright and awestruck, mouths loudly cheering you on as their attention is fixed upon you poised to do the harmful thing. They’re downright delirious at the prospect of you stumbling yet again. But, you can break this pattern right now, this one time. Right now, you can deny opps their satisfaction.
The opps love that I bite my nails and pick at the adjacent skin. They want to see my fingers torn up and chewed up. But since my adoption of the DOTS method, as my hand moves to my mouth, I say “This is what the opps want.” I picture their mouths watering as my mouth is primed to betray my own flourishing, and more often than ever, my hand descends unharmed, unbitten.
Why do you destroy yourself? The DOTS method centers this question by personifying that malevolent force within you that craves your annihilation, manifested through habits that sap your life force through the crippling of your body or mind or soul, often slowly and invisibly. I’m not asking you to scale a mountain or save the bees. I’m asking you to understand and internalize that the reduction and elimation of your most self-harmful actions necessarily improves the quality of your life. I’m asking you to help yourself through your words and your imagination.
How to be happy or enjoy life when you deny opps their satisfaction? If the action has been automatic or load-bearing, it's helpful to find a replacement action so that the transition is easier. In moments of temptation, you can instead choose the non-harmful action, but be careful that the replacement does not itself become harmful through your reliance on it.
The DOTS method is an ongoing practice, there is no end state. It offers the opportunity to enjoy stillness and restraint. You can set it down when circumstances call to set it down, and you can pick it back up. Can you pause, even when it's uncomfortable? What treasures might be waiting for you in the gap between craving and indulgence?