Hello. Today we have another audio post where I am going to talk about identity on the internet, maybe other things.
It has been interesting to notice that as I more intentionally explore and set up and seek out a more legible internet existence and try to communicate more explicitly what I’m about, what I’m not about, as far as what I’m doing online, I notice obvious things I’m choosing to do that hinder that goal.
One of those is, I don’t show my face on the internet. And all else being equal, I think if you read about a person online and you see their face, you will feel more open, more connected with them, or more willing to see what they have to say, than all that for someone who doesn’t show their face online. And so, my decision there is actively hindering me.
At the same time, I want to allow for full acceptance of where I’m at right now. In different areas in life, I often feel, purely internally, this feeling of being rushed, or not having enough time, or feeling behind, and that can lead to a lack of presence and acknowledgment and gratitude for what’s really great about the present moment.
For example, over the years I’ve grown into seeking out and enjoying video calls with people who I originally met through Twitter, and we’ve deepened our friendship through having one-on-one calls once in a while, and those are really lovely, and we of course feel more connected and present with each other by having those calls. Whereas when I was first online I wasn’t willing to show my face at all, even in those private containers.
I think I’m just trying to advocate for an unfolding of someone’s development, growth, self-expression, self-understanding without force. I recently skimmed the book Power vs. Force by David Hawkins. For some reason I couldn’t really get into it, but that’s beside the point.
I’m just not fully willing to own, or show off my face right now. I suspect over the rest of this lifetime it’ll happen, but I’m not there right now, and that’s great. There’s no rush. If I miss out on connection with people because they want to see a face and they don’t, that’s okay, that’s no problem.
It feels really good to be where I’m at right now, and I guess if I must try and distill that into a lesson, I ask you to notice where you feel like you’re not allowed to be where you are right now, and explore that. What’s beneath that? What makes that the case, that being where you are right now is not okay?
Another interesting thing that’s about to happen is, I’m going to share a photo of myself with you Embracing Uncertainty enjoyers. Here it is! So it’s fascinating to try and understand why this photo that’s been online for years, sharing that with you, does not cause the nervous system panic, like other ways of sharing my face give me that crazy fear activation. But this one is fine. There’s something there for me to understand, but, there you go.
Thanks for reading, thanks for listening. See you tomorrow.
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